Finally!

Look what I woke up to this morning!



Ok, so it isn't much but it's the most we've had this year and I am way excited :)

Snails

Well it's my 19th birthday today...how crazy is that? I don't feel overwhelmingly old like I did when I turned 18. That's actually funny because I've grown up so much over the past year and am way more mature now then I was then. Oh well. I had a good, kind of, pre-birthday day with my host family. They were really sweet and Robbert and Ineke took me out to dinner at this really wonderful place in Schiedam. It was called Hossman Frérres and it was some of the best food I've ever eaten at a restaurant. I got to try snails too which was exciting. They were actually delicious. It took me forever to try the first one though, simply because of the idea
and the fact that it actually looked like a slug. But now I know that I like them so that's exciting.

I also visited a church here in Rotterdam and that was nice. I don't know if I want to attend it on a regular basis but the worship was nice and the people were really friendly so that was good. Saturday evening I also met up with a group of students involved in the group Friends Rotterdam. It's a meet up organization for Christian students living here. They were all really nice and we had a great time. This Wednesday I plan on attending a Bible study run by the same group so I'm excited about that. Woo hoo!

Why?

I had a really nice day today. I had the best time of worship that I've had in a long time, mostly because I haven't moved the table back into my room and so I could really dance while I worshiped. It was great. During my time with God today I was thinking, why are temptations so tempting? Really, when God makes rules it's never because He's mean or doesn't want us to have any fun, it's always for our own good and will make our life easier. When God says not to get drunk we think he just doesn't want us to have any fun but alcohol is a poison, it just kills you a lot slower than others. Even still, you wake up with a horrible headache because of what the stuff did to your body, but that's fun right?! Or smoking. Take away the risk of cancer and emphysema and it still makes your teeth yellow, your clothes stink and gives you wrinkles. Or sex outside of marriage. You run the risk of all kinds of irritating and even fatal diseases, not to mention just plain old getting your heart broken. And yet, I still find these things tempting...I don't understand myself sometimes. I can have so much fun with out all that junk and yet there's still times when I want to throw all that into the mix. God is so loving and good to warn us about these things and to tell us not to do them. Why am I still tempted when I know what I know? By God's grace I still haven't given into any of these temptations so far, and I don't expect to, and I suppose that no matter what these things are going to look fun. However, I know that there's so much better to be had and I just need to keep my focus right and always remember that God's given me boundaries to make my life better and not worse.

Better

I'm a lot better now. I got sad a couple times today but no tears. Actually I really didn't have time to cry because I had all three kids today and the boys fought almost constantly...It seemed like every time I'd finally get them playing nicely one of them would start something again. Even giving them a rest time in front of the television didn't work today! Oh well. It kept me busy, but I'm really glad that I'm going out tonight. I'll try and take some pictures of our evening and post them later. Actually, I'm not really sure what we're going to be doing. I know tomorrow we're supposed to go ice skating but other than that I'm not really sure. It'll be nice to see the girls (and guys?) again. I haven't seen a lot of them in almost a month. Anyway, it should be a good time and it'll get my mind on other things...*smile*

Keep moving

I think this is the first time I've really sat down all day. I'm so restless, I don't know what to do with myself. Luckily, I'm working today so it gives me something to focus on. I've taken down my Christmas tree and lights, done a couple loads of laundry....anything to keep me busy. Toos took the boys to the circus today so I only had Caroline which was very nice. She's such a sweetie.

I've been thinking a lot today and yesterday. I'm coming to a point where I have to make some major decisions that are really going to effect my life. I really want to make the right ones and so, I've been praying and reading my Bible a lot. It's really hard to know what to do. I'm really glad that I have people who love and care about me and who are willing to pray for me and help me make these decisions because I don't know if I'd make the right ones by myself. No matter what I decide it isn't going to be easy. I love it here and I love this family and the kids; to leave them would break my heart. At the same time I do miss home and I want to be where I'm supposed to be...I don't know that I've ever had to make this hard of a decision before, at least I can't remember one.
Also, I need to get connected with a good group of Christian friends and a church for the remainder of my time here. I really like the group of friends that I have but I also need some people to encourage me in Godly things.
One other thing is that I'd like to get a second job ASAP. It wouldn't be anything big, just a part time job in the evenings but I could really use the extra € for travel and to save for when I do decide to go home. Once I go home I'll need an apartment, phone, car etc and all that costs $. *sigh*

I know that God's going to show me the right thing to do, I'm just realizing that I'm not as patient as I once thought. I used to think of myself as an incredibly patient person but I'm realizing more and more that that part of my character needs work as well. That and my faith...I have a really hard time being sure that I've heard God and trusting God to do what He says He will in the proper time. Everything will work out though. I'm actually pretty excited that I'm getting the opportunity to grow spiritually and improve my character. I want to be a woman of great faith and patience and these next few months are going to bring me that much closer to being one. That's something to get excited about isn't it?

You ever watch Pollyanna? I really love that movie. In that movie Pollyanna plays "the glad game". It's a really great game. I try to live my life that way. Granted, I don't usually use the word "glad", but in every situation there is something to be happy about and grateful for. Things are never as bad as they could possibly be and therefore there's always something that's good about a situation. I'm so glad, for instance, that Joel and Helana got to come see me. I enjoyed that so much and we now have a bunch of really great memories and stories to laugh about forever. Sure, I'm really sad and miss them right now but I think you can always judge how happy you've been by the level of your pain and sadness. And I was really, really happy. The exciting thing is, after not too long I'll go back to being happy again, only now I'll be a better person and appreciate the happiness way more because of how sad I've been. It's like when you've had a really bad migrane and you wake up in the morning and it's gone. Even though really you've just gone back to feeling normal again, you feel like a million dollars because of how bad you felt the day before. Anyway, I could ramble on forever...I kind of already have :-) So those are my thoughts for the day.

By the way, please keep me in your prayers as I start to make these big decisions. Also, if you have anything that you think God's told you on my behalf I'm always open to suggestions. ;-)Thanks so much!

They left :'(

Well, now I have to quit being lazy and actually update my blogger instead of just letting you look at Joel's, lol. Joel and Helana left today at about 11am. My host mom Ineke dropped the three of us off at the airport a little after 7am and I hung out with them until it was time for them to go through passport control.

I'm so bummed. I didn't cry on the train on the way back to Rotterdam, actually I slept which is very weird for me. I have a thing about sleeping on trains...long story. Anyway, I was still ok until I got home and Ineke asked me if they got off ok. Then I burst into tears! It was rather embarrassing. Luckily today's my day off so I can mope around and rearrange my room and stuff. It's such a bummer that they're gone. I never really felt homesick until now. It was so comfortable and natural having them here. Once they got here it was like I'd never left, or like they'd been with me the whole time. There wasn't any awkward, get reacquainted junk. Now they're gone and I'm so sad to be here alone. I just want a big hug...

Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be coming home at least to visit this summer and possibly go on the music festival tour so I can get a hug then. That's only five months or so, right? *sigh*
I'm sorry. I'm not usually the depressed, complaining type but today is just a really hard day for me. I know I'll be back to my happy self in a few days and everything will be all good. At least this time Helana's not in Guatemala where I can't get a hold of her. That'll make things so much easier than last time. And if I come back for the summer then I'm at the half way point. I've been here for five months today and the festival tour's in five months. The time went by pretty fast. A lot happened but looking back it seems like it flew by.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to readjusting again and getting back in the swing of things. It was really great having them visit and now it's time for me to focus on what I want to do for the remainder of my time here. I'm excited. So much has happened and so much more is bound to be in store.